I remember sitting in my car in front of my sister’s house one Thanksgiving and thinking how lucky I am to actually be looking forward to going in and spending time with my family. So many people sit in their cars before a big gathering to muster up the courage to go in and just get through it, biting their tongues and taking note of things to bring up with their therapists the following week. With that, we’re still human and we have a few tussles here and there, but they’re quickly resolved. The good news is we all have the same politics, so that’s great.
Mom and I have been on a fifty-five year journey that’s been close and rewarding, there’s a whole lotta love and she supports me in a hands off way that is pretty perfect. I think with any relationship there’s always a bit of questioning the other’s motives of behaving a certain way or making certain choices. Once in a while I scratch my head and wonder why the hell she’s making life so hard on herself, and, honestly, I’m sure she thinks the same about me. But, these kinds of judgements always lead to creating distance in a relationship, not connection. Why is it so hard to allow the other to just be? Drop the attachment to the outcome, stop acting like we know best, and just love them? If we can do that, the time spent together is easy and peaceful, guaranteed.
I’m beginning to have a relationship with my mother that is more like the latter. I’m really loving my time with her. I’m gentle, she’s sweet. We float through our time together with the greatest of ease. I’ve fallen back in love with her in a way that can only resemble how it must have been when I was a little girl. The time after I stopped having regular temper tantrums and before my step father came on the scene. So, what’s changed?
Shrine, the main character of my novel is based on my mother and Shrine’s son is loosely based on me. As I wrote my first draft I got into the heads and hearts of Shrine and Damien, that’s when I fell deeply in love with her again. The writing reminded me of what she’s been through and what a remarkably kind and generous human she is. She lights up a room with her smile and can raise a person’s spirits with a few words. I’m ashamed to say that these attributes were sometimes annoying to me, like she was trying too hard. But, after writing her as Shrine, I wholly accept and love this about her. She’s effected so many lives with her light and I’m proud to be her daughter. I’m so grateful that when I sat down to write, she is who poured out of me.
Love,
E
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